I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
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We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
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Another day, another engagement, another cat
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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