i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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