The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
