There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
