Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
