Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
