There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
