i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
