i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
