Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
