I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
