the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
