What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
