New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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