mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
