3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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