omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
