sarcasm needs its own font
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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