Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
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Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
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He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.