i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
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