I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".