yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...