I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
