i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
