she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
