No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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