Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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