You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
