I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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