why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
