My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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