Don't you send me to vm
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Let's paint friendship bongs
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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