Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
