Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
