I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So many bounce houses so little time
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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