Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
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Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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