I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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