Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
