Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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