I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
