its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
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