I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
