Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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