I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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