youre lurking in front of me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
