I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.