it hurts more in the daytime
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
