I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
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Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
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I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.