I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???