Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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