I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize