he wants to bone in the snuggie
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
