I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
