Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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