cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
