Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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