Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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