apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
