I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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