If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
No I am not eating basil off your cock
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
