fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
