I'm drive I can fine osifer
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
