cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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