the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
