shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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