i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
