can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
