I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
