I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
