Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
