WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
