I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
