is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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