two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
