he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
